Today's thoughts!

“I'm afraid that sometimes you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.”

―Dr. Seuss


I am afraid that something require me to put my foot down. One of those is crossing my second life into my real life. I want to find love in second life. I am not afraid of that. There are things in my real life i just can't mix into my lifestyle I choose , not now when things have finally settled.
So I am afraid that as soon as I get close I start building walls. I think I need a Daddy who is strong, Understand D/s and is willing understand some of my limitations and yet still love me for all the things that make me as special I know I am. One day I know I will find that amazing someone.

“You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” 

 ―Dr. Seuss

Walk Slower , Daddy...

"Walk a little slower, Daddy", She said so small. "I'm following in your footsteps, And I don't want to fall. Sometimes your steps are very fast, Sometimes they're hard to see; So walk a little slower, Daddy, For you lead me. Someday, I want to be all you would like me to be. And I want to believe in you and know you are true. So, walk a little slower, Daddy, For I must follow you.....".

Name into Positive Adjectives!

A friend of mine from SL had a really Amazing idea!
Turn your name into positive adjectives! ( Thank you Fifi- you know who you are)

so here is my name - April and i have to think of positives....

A = Adorable

P = Pert

R = Romantic

I = Independent 

L= Lovable 

I think these are the words that suit me best. I hope that others can agree!

A Quote I Saw...

" Submissives may have thick skins But they have weaker hearts  Fuck them roughly  But love them tenderly."

This is a quote that I got from a random Dom in Sl. Although the sentiment seems sincere I think many could argue that no submissive has a weak heart?

I believe they would be right too. A Submissive , with out doubt has to be strong and self confident. Capable of self control and full of love and devotion. All of these things make a submissive strong, independent and very able people! So , while you are fucking her hard, please remember that the heart that lays under  is both strong and beats loudly! Love her thoroughly both physically and mentally and she will give that back to you ten fold.

Embracing Your Warts (Thank you Aqua)

  So I receive this note card and it's absolutely brilliant . It talks about how we each have our differences and we need to embrace those  differences. Each of out differences are a purple wart. Some people will have more warts than another but they are what makes us wonderful and thus we should embrace our purple warts.

I would like to first say that my warts will be Pink. This is the color that I associate myself with the best and although many pick on me for this I will just have to think of that are just another Pink Wart.

Life is filled with differences. I am sure I am not the only one who feels like it doesn't matter where she goes she just can't fit in. I think there are so many people who like to stare at my Pink Warts. I am sure that people look at me as see each little Pink Wart and that is all that they see. I am also sure that I think I see my Pink Warts much more than they do. I don't believe , intelligent as I am, that they truly are staring at my Wart, but rather that I feel my Pink Warts all over myself and I am so focused on them that I forget to focus outward. I just have to remember every once in a while to reassess if worrying about m own Warts are just hurting my relationships with others who I know actually love me!

I am feeling a little like glass!

I am feeling a see through recently. I don't like the idea that people are looking through me recently. I want to be a little less translucent. I am not going to break at the first touch. I promise. I do hope that it isn't that because I am a bit emotional that people feel they aren't allowed to talk to me. I don't wonder if most of the time I exude the feeling that talking to me is impossible. I love people and my friends but often I feel that when I am hurting they can't see me. Once again I am worried that I am that glass lady again.

When I am not invisible I am the fragile china doll. I am almost sure this is my fault as well. I am sure that my littles lifestyle mixed with my emotional neediness as well as my tendency to cling. I know this puts men off because I don't want anything to do with sex. I want to be loved and adored and have my emotional supporter who will know how to reason with me well so that I don't force myself to drown.

I can see that this is a difficult situation for me and someone else. Often I don't know what I can expect from others when even I don't understand . Shakes head.. well I just hope in the end it turns out better than how it might be right now.

Wants Vs Need!!!!

I’d like to set the record straight.

I WANT to win this argument discussion.  I NEED to see you’ll stick to your guns.

I WANT you to pretend you didn’t see me roll my eyes.  I NEED you to not put up with it.

I WANT you to not mention that I forgot my cell phone again.  I NEED to know it upsets you because you care so deeply for my safety.

I WANT to walk away and not listen when you are reminding me (again) I have certain responsibilities around here.  I NEED you to keep me from walking away.  I NEED you to not allow the distance I sometimes try to create.

I WANT to clam up when you say it is time to talk about touchy subjects.  I NEED you to demand full disclosure.

I WANT (sometimes) to get louder and louder and make sure I am heard.  I NEED you to quiet me and not let this stupid thing escalate.

I WANT to steer this relationship and control the pace at which it moves (faster, please, faster!)  I NEED to know you have the wheel.

I WANT to serve you when it is convenient.  I NEED to know you will make it happen if it is your will.

I WANT to have sex when it is convenient.  I NEED to know you feel my body is yours for the taking.

I WANT you to go easier on me.  I NEED you to be more strict.

I WANT to throw out all the unwritten rules.  I NEED so badly for you to be stern when you enforce them.

I WANT you to back down when you’ve made tears well up.  I NEED you to never never never back down.

I WANT to hide any tears from you.  I NEED you to be strong enough to face those tears and push on through.  I NEED for you to be the only man in my life that knows you can cause the tears AND wipe them away.

I WANT to bat my eyelashes or unzip your pants and have you forget that nothing got checked off the list today.  I NEED you to hold me accountable. (then take off your pants)

I WANT to think I’m a big-shot around here.  I NEED to know who is boss.

There. See how easy I am to live with. **wink**

For Any Who Have Worried About Me....

I know that i have been dealing with a lot. My emotions have been a giant roller coaster. I can't even start to tell you how much I appreciate that you have not ran away screaming  and instead have been there for me supporting me in ways that can't even begin to be covered by the words "love". "friendship" or even "sisterhood". I love everyone even through my downs.  The fact is I know I am negative about myself  as I deal with my illness and my pain, I forget there are people around who support me and don't want or need  me dragging them down too. If you can accept my apology and all my hugs for still standing by me.. then HUG!

Here is a Thought I had randomly today....

I am not so bad to look at . I might be small figure and a carrot top , but so what. I am sure there are other out there who might like what I look like, so I must be doing OK.. Even some who tell me kindly that they think I am okay to look at that often makes me happy.

Collars and Collaring...

I think that collars are a totally amazing way to symbolize the uniting of two people. I think that they make an online experience such as SL or IRC a beautiful way to profess mutual need and desire to be together.  A wonderful way to explore, educate and bond together...

All i ask is that if you choose to become collared , please remember it is a long term choice and not easily removed. A heart should never be fickle. All Relationships require tons of work.

So I am a completely enraptured with Twilight!

                                 Fluffy Teenage Love!

Yes I said it. I love Twilight. The Movies AND the books. I think Edward might be a little over protective but what girl doesn't want her knight in shining armor and if he can offer up immortality and love forever then you are looking at the best type of happily every after....

Maybe I am a romantic at heart.

or Maybe I just like fluffy reading with lots of young love.

or Maybe it is just vampires, werewolves and all the things that go bump in the night.

No Drama?...

If there's any one phrase that's way overused in  profiles it's 'No Drama Please' .

Although the word drama is mainly used for literature and theater to portray life stories involving conflict and emotion, dictionary entries also list drama as: a state, situation, or series of events involving intense conflict of forces.

We ALL have had experiences of drama in one form or another in our lives: the loss/death of someone close, financial woes and loss of possessions, hell, divorce; for example.

Who of us is so much more perfect that we have no dramatic tales, and then have the audacity to request that our potential other be without it as well?

Being involved in some drama is good character training, refines us, makes us strong and extremely appreciative of the drama-less times.So before using that way overused phrase in your profile: show me a person who has never been involved in life drama and I'll show you a person who will tuck tail, whimper and run at the first sign of trouble.

Pandas Rock!..

So If you know me then you know that I am a HUGE fan of pandas. The day that World of Warcraft came out with the Pandaran, I switched all my played character to the race. Nothing is cuter that the gorgeous black and white face. The cutest marks over the eyes. I am not saying I don't love ferrets and raccoons because I so do. I am just saying that I adore pandas! They just look so plushie and squishy and cuddly! ADORABLE!

 They look so playful!!!


Don't you just want to pick one up and cuddle him close? Well, I think we should all have a panda a day, it will keep the blues away!

Finding The "ONE"....

So Life is Full of Surprises....

I walk in and out of my days not knowing what I will be doing next.  I know that i seek to be loved deeply and passionately. I just don't understand how someone who isn't free to do so  thinks that it is okay to say they will. I have to love myself. That requires me to have morals and to be upstanding. That means I need to stop letting people play me like a fool. I am just so trusting that I let people lead me around. It is time to start doing my own leading for myself for once. I am a strong minded person. There isn't a reason I need to let other people tell me what is good , moral and right. I know the answer to those questions. Now it is time to put it to good use. Let's go out into the world and find a Daddy who will loves me for all the little things that make me who I am!

Where Friends Come in Handy...

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
― C.S. Lewis

Today. I dealt with emotions raw and deep. It took good friends to listen to me bitch and moan. I have compromised relationships and still they stick them out with me. I am truly amazed at how people can be sincerely good. They honestly only want what is best for you and rarely are they intentionally devious. I think that we often lead our selves into pits and traps and let our self fall into them. I made my mistake. I let someone who meant the world to me go. I hope that doesn't happen again.  I want to hold on to the thing that I love tightly and I won't let it go. I have to make priorities. I need to understand that I have to let those close to me into my whole life. Let's hope that I don't make the same mistakes. I never want this to happen again. It took friends to help me to see that I am worth more than just what appears outside...

Daddy's and BabyGirls...

Little or baby girl

An adult , usually female who needs , craves , desires , and seeks a Parental/child type relationship . Which is not related to incest or taboo sex . Even tho most have sex with their Parental relationship , but not while in LITTLE / BABYGIRL mode . As an adult " little " generally they do not wish to have sex with their Daddy. They just need that Father figure type to worry over them , fuss over them , take care of them and wipe away tears. Make them feel secure when they are frightened , and that means ALL fears , not what He feels should be my only fear.

Wikipedia defines:

Age-play

Ageplay or age play is a form of role playing in which an individual acts or treats another as if they were a different age. The practice can be regressive, in which the goal is to re-experience childhood, or sexual, recreating a sexual relationship with people of the pretend or true ages. Generally this can involve someone pretending to be younger than they actually are, but more rarely can involve assuming an older role.　

Non sexual Age-play

In non-sexual age play, people act as if they were a different age without the involvement of sexual acts, often with the goal of reliving childhood. This longing to go back to a certain age and time of a person's life is often connected with nostalgia.Age play is also commonly done by children when they play games such as "house" and take on roles of a nuclear family, which typically consists of a father, mother, a child or children, and/or a baby.

This is written by a Daddy Dom:

Transactional Analysis talks about three roles. The child mode is able to play, and be good, seeking security from the parent. The parent protects and loves the child. To live a healthy life you should be function at various times in all of these roles. DD creates an arena for two people to function in an atmosphere for fun and security for the submissive and where her dominant protects and guides her. This relationship affirms needs and identities for both participants and works best in a context of love and trust. Ideally this is only part of the relationship between the two parties and they often also relate sometimes as adult to adult or even child to child playing and enjoying all the possibilities, even though DD is the foundation of what they have. There is something sacred and idyllic about this form of bsdm power exchange. It creates a magical world for 2 people to love & grow in different ways. Legitimate Daddy Doms oppose all predatory conduct and support SL terms of service accordingly. .

She's a nerdy girl...!

Oh yeah , she likes it all!

I know , I know! World of Warcraft, Star Wars The Old Republic, Star Trek Online. You name it  I more than likely have tried it. I love gaming. Table top  is a Win, Dungeon and Dragons, how do you like it ... online , on paper  or are you a larp'er. Yes, I did say LARP!  Table top action , any one. Oh yeah, I have only about a ton of fantastic , self painted  warhammer  figurines.  I think gaming is a way to bring out that roleplayer in you. It helps further your imagination. Did I happen to mention "IT'S FUN!" So go on girls get out there and get your gamer on!